Care Currencies

Personal Essay: On The Courage to Ask For What You Need

Author’s Note: This piece emerged during a quiet reckoning with value—what we trade, what we tend to, and what gets overlooked in our pursuit of more. I was beginning to see how care, presence, and generosity are their own forms of currency, often invisible but sometimes more deeply sustaining. Revisiting it now, I’m even more certain: the future depends on how well we honor & choose to value what can’t be measured.

This piece was revisited and refined in March 2025 as part of Erah Society’s evolution. Originally published on May 1st, 2023, it now reflects the heart and essence of this space more clearly. Thank you for being part of this journey.

Have you ever felt like you’ve given too much—the quiet exhaustion of pouring yourself out, only to be met with empty hands? For years, I thought it was just the nature of being kind and compassionate—part of carrying a soft heart in a world that doesn’t always know how to hold it. But lately, I’ve been questioning that narrative. Reflecting on why I kept offering my energy without expecting anything in return. And I’ve realized that choosing to care for myself first is not selfish—it’s actually a courageous act of self-respect.

When I first sensed that my giving and receiving windows were off, I didn’t label it as disrespect—certainly not as self-disrespect. But that’s exactly what it was. A heart that doesn’t feel valued, cared for, or open is a heart that can’t access its power. And without that pulse of power, we can’t access the treasures it holds.

Care As A Currency

The idea of Care Currencies emerged as I sank deeper into what it really means to “care for my energy first.” At first glance, it sounds nice—almost poetic. But in practice, it’s something else entirely. It asks for courage. It demands choice. The courage to choose me—daily.

If you speak the language of the Gene Keys, you might recognize this kind of self-doubt as the shadow of Gene Key 63—a numbing of our needs, where we question everything about ourselves and, in that severe self-abandonment, look to others to validate our existence. It’s like eating a meal that looks nourishing but leaves you empty—empty calories of validation.

Validation itself isn’t inherently bad. Sometimes it’s a natural checkpoint—proof that we’ve made a connection. But it becomes toxic when it’s the only thing we reach for, the only sense of safety we know. When our needs aren’t asked for—or received—it’s often because we don’t feel safe enough to voice them.

No one wants to be taken advantage of. It doesn’t feel good, and we’re feeling beings. Emotions and primal instincts are our most profound guides. I watched my mother—saintly in her giving—pour herself out until her body broke down. Being misused doesn’t just rob you of energy; it steals your ability to breathe deeply and feel deeply. It forces you to find solace in transcendence, telling yourself, “If you have, you give—no questions asked.”

But I have questions. Lots of them.

• Why didn’t our caretakers know how to care for themselves?

• Why wasn’t that the first thing we learned?

• If I have, why can’t I keep it?

When I’m not allowed to pierce my experiences with questions, the cauldron of self-doubt festers.

The Art of Exchange

With an undefined heart, I’m here to learn the wisdom of value—the art of an equal energetic exchange. When I choose to give—choose being the operative word—I must also choose to receive. It’s the natural rhythm of the earth, and it must be the rhythm of myself. There’s honor in equal exchange, where clarity, healing, space, resources, adoration, friendship, mastery, and love can thrive. These are just a few of the Care Currencies available when we care for our energy first—when we say, “I don’t feel like I’m receiving what I need, so let me slow down, check in, and ask for it.”

I’m learning this constantly, a daily practice. From my partner, my children, my closest friends—the ones who remind me that deep care and devotion to self are acts of reparenting. They teach me that asking for what I desire isn’t selfish or indulgent; it’s honoring the makeup of my soul. Our wants aren’t shallow or vapid—they’re clues to our deepest essence. They’re x’s on the map of our being.

It’s incredibly healing to see this energy so alive in my kids. They could spend hours imagining what they want to receive and experience—and better yet, they expect those requests to be met. How much time do we give ourselves to do the same? To voice our needs without feeling separate from being cared for? Closed mouths don’t get fed. Tight fists don’t get filled.

As Gene Key 63 reminds us:

“Doubt is born when you lose touch with the wonder of your imagination, and confusion comes about when you rely too heavily on logic.”

There’s something liberating about the ask—an audacity, a charisma, a sense of humor that once had to be silenced. Not anymore.

Inquire about your needs.

What do you require to show up fully? To create that art, to nurture that relationship, to live fully expressed? Don’t doubt—inquire. Eventually, we all arrive at Truth—the Siddhi of 63.

Here’s mine: Every internal request connected to my truest sense of self deserves to be met.

Care for your energy first.

With gratitude and grace,

Jasmine

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